Day 6….rainy day

I just switched off my phone. I don’t want to switch it back on, not until tomorrow morning.

I wanted to talk to him so much, listen to his voice, tell him whatever that happened today. But his too busy to talk to me and instead, asked me to sleep earlier. Concern, yes; caring, no.

I don’t know what else to say to him anymore except: have you eaten? Are you tired? Are you busy? Are you working? I love you. That’s all for this few days. Pathetic. I wanted to say more, but whenever questions other than that, either he won’t replies or he’s too busy to replies and end up forgot what I’ve asked. Even if he replies, it’ll just be one or too single words.

I’m not sure why he can be that busy at there and so lazy at here. Not to say lazy, but I had a feeling that he just doesn’t like to do normal jobs. Sorry I can’t say more about that. I’m not looking down at him but, how am I suppose to tell others what is his job? Especially when my mom asks or my to best friends. I don’t even dare to tell them. I’ll just try to cover up for him. I mean, when will this end? Can’t he just try to find a proper, normal job and starts settling down?

Mom’s right. We’re 21 this year, soon will be 30. Are we going to live like this forever? Never an extra penny in the pocket, not to say in the bank account…. doesn’t own a car or house even when we’re 30….. etc. I still can tell her that we’re still young, there’s a lot of time to earn money, that I don’t even graduate yet and don’t have a job right now, blah blah blah….. But what about 3 or 4 years later?

Two parts of me are trying to tear me apart. On one side, the romantic side, I was dying to marry him,we’ll save the wedding cost by not inviting all the relatives and friends, and use the money for honeymoon instead; have 2 kids, live a happy live ignoring what others think. On the other hand, the realistic side, I don’t want to marry him without a fancy wedding, without a house, without everyone agrees that he is the guy that I should’ve married long ago. Dilemma.