Here I am, sitting in front of my laptop, in the dark, just created a new blog after abandoning the first one and the other one in Wordpress for so long. I just wanted a place where I can write down whatever things that I wanted to tell my dear so much, and I want to save cost from buying a diary which I'm sure I'll just be wasting it after writing for a few times.
I can't believe that it's been five days since I saw and hugged him and oh gosh, how I wished I could just hug him and kiss him right now. Live is sucks without him, and it's very boring and dull without him making stupid jokes around me and make me laugh.
Every morning, I'll wake up and go to work. There, I'll start thinking about him every minute and every second I can. Previously, I was very eager to go home because I can see him sitting right in front of the TV playing PS2 and smiles when I walk into the room. Now, it's just an empty room without a warm-welcoming smile and I rather not come back to face it.
I know it sounds stupid, but the truth is, I can't live normally without him. I have to be the superglue which are glued to him everyday without fail and I know he wants me to. I always appreciate with him by my side. Though his not here, but I know his heart is totally with me.
I called him this afternoon about his flight back here on June next year. I thought we'd agreed that as soon as I finish my practical, we'll move back to my hometown together. But since now he has already got a lot of things to do, he's not quite sure about that. He will come over here to help me move all my stuffs back to my place, then linger a bit longer, but he'll still go back to continue his job. That's what I'm upset about. I don't like the feeling of being apart. Again and again. That's why so many people are scare in having long-distance relationship. It's not about trust, it's about being apart is really difficult! You can't touch, hug, kiss or even tell the one you love how much you love him/her face to face.
1 year being apart is enough darling, I don't need another. I know you said before that you WILL marry me and you want me to trust you that you won't cheat on me while you're there. And I TRUST YOU. It's just that, I don't want you to come over here to meet me on this coming chinese new year, then go back; and come again on June, then go back again until 'further notice'. I hate sending you to the airport and come back alone again and again, and I have to force myself not to cry in front of you.
There's so many things I wanted to say to you but whenever you call, I just forget everything. As if, nothing else is important because all I want is to hear your voice, that's it. I even tried to change my shift to night time so I can avoid sleeping alone at night at least for a few days. I can't sleep well this few nights because I'll be waking up in the middle of the night finding for your arms to wrap around me, which you usually did when you're here.
I know it's selfish to ask you to just stay and give up everything you have there, I really wished that I could be that selfish. But I know I can't. What you did is for our future, and I'm really glad.
Just so you know, I really miss you. Like, A LOT.
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